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0179 - Inertia - 2021.03.08 |
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Comment: A lot of my life is spent managing my own energy. I have inertia, I have motivation, I have willpower, and these things all wax and wane in accordance with food and sleep, good news and bad news, interaction and isolation, success and frustration. It goes without saying - I'm sure your experience has been similar - that the pandemic and all its associated inconveniences have really impacted all of the above. As someone whose self-identity and self-worth is strongly tied to my creative output, spending low-energy days not accomplishing anything... or worse, spending high-energy days not able to accomplish anything... has been rough on my image of who and what I am. As someone whose ability to pay rent is tied to my creative output, it's been rough on my stress levels, too. Caleb, Zoa, and Lee, here, are the three voices in my head as I sit in bed and berate myself for sitting in bed. I lecture myself, I cajole myself, I distract myself, maybe I get up and complete a task, maybe I don't. And I'm one of the fortunate ones - I can't imagine how I'd cope with the increased demands of a disability or a dependent child or a shitty job I couldn't quit. We only get so many hours in a day. We only get so many spoons. We all go to bed - and, eventually, the grave - with loose ends left untied. |
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