0218 - On gloryholes. - 2021.12.06



One time, when I was driving somewhere with a friend, he tapped the smartphone mounted to his dash and said "find gas stations near me". The phone then said "Okay, finding gas stations near you", and we were presented with a constellation of nearby petroleum vendors, and we used the directions provided to arrive at the nearest one.

While we were at the gas station, because I am the sort of person that I am, I reached over, tapped the phone in the same way I had just seen, and said "find gloryholes near me". The phone said "Okay, finding G-asterisk-asterisk-asterisk-asterisk-asterisk-asterisk-asterisk-asterisk-asterisk near you", and the display screen LIT UP with an entire GALAXY of locations, including one in the very gas station at which were were parked. There are two explanations for this result.

The first is that the digital assistant app had censored "gloryholes" to "g*********", but still allowed the search to go through, and, since asterisks in searches are wildcards, what I was seeing was every single listed location in my immediate vicinity that had a G anywhere in its name.

The second explanation is that anonymous blowjobs are WAY more popular than I thought.


0218 - 2167/07/06/17:06 - Lee's apartment, living room
LC: Actually, there's a thought - if there are actual sex clubs with gloryholes, what are the odds that it's all humans on the other side? The existence of sex toys like Zoa would seem to imply that a profitable establishment could just line up some phatex orifices. Or would that count as impersonating a human?
Doc: I do not know anything about sex clubs, Lee, except to-
LC (connecting to data feed): Oh hey, there's five of them within a fifteen minute walk of here, and three of them specifically advertise that only humans with certifications are allowed. Zoa did mention that sexual service providers need training and certification, I guess I just didn't think that'd be the case if money wasn't changing hands...
Doc: Lee, Caleb is going to-
LC: So wait, are dildos and fucker machines and stuff not allowed? How sophisticated does a sex toy need to be before it's not allowed in?
Doc: I'm sure I don't-
LC: Okay, like... if I rocked up to the place with Zoa and said "hi, this is my sex toy, I'm going to use it to get a dick sucked", would they kick us out? Would it make a difference if Zoa talks or not?
Doc: LEE.
LC: What?
Doc: Do you intend to follow through on any of this line of thought? Do you actually want answers to these questions, or are you just, again, avoiding your real problems?
LC: ...Yes.
Doc: Yes?
LC: Yes, I guess I'm avoiding my problems, obviously, but also I would enjoy getting answers to my hypothetical questions, even if I never intend to do anything with the information.
LC: It's... it's just kinda fun to talk about silly gross weird sexy stuff sometimes, y'know? Even if it sometimes makes me a little uncomfortable. Maybe that's part of it?
LC: I wish Zoa was here.
Doc: I wish it was here too.
LC: You do?
Doc: Yes, so you could tell it to quit fucking spamming me.