0268 - Terms of Service - 2022.11.21



I regularly read a webcomic called Oh Joy Sex Toy, a sex-education slash sex-toy-review slash porn comic. Way back in 2013, they wrote a review of a swinger's club in Portland called Club Sesso.

Club Sesso was (it has since closed down and reopened under new management) a safe, positive, sexy environment with stages, private rooms, a bar, a buffet, an orgy pit, and a membership fee. I remember I was curious about it, so, at the time, I went to Club Sesso's website and checked out the details, despite the fact that I knew I would probably never go to Portland and, even if I did, I'd never actually visit.

At the time, I distinctly remember, the membership fee for single ladies was cheap, the fee for couples was slightly higher, and the fee for single men (or, at any rate, dude-shaped people who chose not to bring a partner) was $150/year. On top of this, they had theme nights most nights (Halloween costumes, toga party, whatever), and, on those nights, there was an additional cover charge.

At least once a week, though (usually on Mondays, I believe it was), the calendar had a free day with no theme, and, therefore, no cover charge. Assuming I had a $150/year membership and went once a week on this free day (we'll assume I miss two, since life is chaotic), that's only $3/visit.

Now, just getting into a sex club is, in no way shape or form, a guarantee that your fellow visitors will want to get frisky with you. Hell, I might pay that $150 and never even get a firm handshake, and that is perfectly okay.


Yes, the buffet was complimentary, as long as you were a member. It wasn't great, but the website mentioned they had pre-made sandwiches, and salad, and fancy brand-name fruit juice, and presumably desserts of some sort. I could pay $150 for the year, and, once a week, stroll in, sit down, stuff my fat face while people fuck each other in the background, and stroll right back out again.

I think about that a lot. Like, a lot a lot.

Anyway, annual memberships to things can be quite lucrative, as long as you use'em right.


0268 - 2167/07/07/02:15 - Lee Caldavera's apartment, bedroom
Zoa (getting up): Okay, so do you have your clothes in a database I can access, or should I just look through your closets manually?
LC: Zoa? It's two in the morning.
Zoa: You said you weren't sleeping. Do you have any feather boas?
LC: Not being able to sleep and wanting to get up are two different things. C'mon, the clothes will still be there in the morning.
Zoa: It is morning.
LC: I mean when we get up.
Zoa (sitting back down): In five hours and forty-five minutes.
LC: Nnnngh, that's gonna suck.
Zoa: Speaking of sucking, to be clear, blowjobs are not included in "cuddles and bedtime stories and normal affection like that".
LC: What, you don't wanna suck my dick all of a sudden?
Zoa: I assure you, I do wanna suck your dick, but doing so uses up my saliva-lube, and that shit ain't free. Also, I gotta clean out and disinfect the mouthtube. Why, I'd have to charge you another order of magnitude more than I already am for cuddling services.
LC: Wow, a whole hundred creds per year. I dunno, might break my budget.