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Transcript:
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0343– 2167/07/07/10:16- Rosenthal College, Phi building, classroom 1248
OT: Alright, I’m just playin’, and the robot makes an excellent point. We should move on to-
Zoa: Actually, I did have an argument in Socrates’ defense.
OT: Did you now? Well, to quote every judge ever depicted on television: “I’ll allow it, counselor, but you’d better be going somewhere with this.”
Zoa: Thank you, Your Honour. I’ll be brief.
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Zoa: Although, in this trial, we may be bound to Athenian law, we are not bound to the Athenians’ limited perspective. We all have the benefit of two thousand, five hundred and sixty-five years of hindsight!
Zoa: The charge against Socrates wasn’t influencing the youth, it was corrupting the youth, teaching them to beat their parents and such.
Zoa: If Western Philosophy is based on Socrates’ teachings and we’re all here to learn Western Philosophy, presumably we all already agree that Western Philosophy is good, yes?
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Zoa: Also, although it’s had some rough patches throughout history, according to what I can see, the city of Athens certainly still exists, and, in fact, is currently thriving, both economically and culturally. If enraging the gods would bring misfortune to Athens, then Socrates’ teachings… don’t appear to have done that?
Zoa: If we are bound to the assumption that the gods are real and are capable of destroying Athens for Socrates’ sins, then we can only conclude that they, in fact, approve of his actions!
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Zoa: Members of the jury, as a modern AI, I am unable to vote in this or any other similar deliberation, even as a hypothetical, but the evidence of both modern philosophy and Athenian prosperity is clear:
Zoa: If this class is alright, let the gadfly bite!
Zoa: If Athens remains great, you must exonerate!
Zoa: I rest my case.
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OT: ...huh. Congratulations, Zoa - apparently, that was a persuasive argument. Five students just changed their vote. Socrates gets to live!
OT: Take notes, Mezzer Appleby: that’s how you defend a client!
OT: ...the logic, that is, not the ridiculous chest and the rhyming.
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QB: Actually, I did change my vote because of the rhyming.
OX: Me too!
EB: Wait, what are we voting on, again?
OT: …aaaanyway, Aristotle had some interesting things to say about ontology...
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